Busy day at Dartmouth-Hichcock this morning. I got up early, and since i had no leads connected to me, I thought it would be a good time to take a short shower. That was a nice way to start the day. Then by breakfast came and was pretty good, althouh i could not remember what it was that i had ordered. ... French toast and a side of cut pears. Not too bad, although the surpy was corn and the toast was a little dry. I was not too surprised, but you would think that NH would be a net exporter of maple syrup, and that they would not be interested in the fake stuff. Or even that the producers could give it to hospitals to defray some of their costs.
Anyway, after I was done eating, this guy Ken came in and wanted to know if I wanted a "pick" line. Having gotten a little cagy after spending 6 months in the hospital, I asked, 1) what was it, and 2) who thought it was a good idea for me to have. Apparently it is an IV which is surgically implanted in your arm for a while (like the rest of your illness, and that literally 5 out of 6 doctor's agree that I ought to have one put it. The 6th doctor was on the phone and offered no opinion. I had a couple concerns with it. First of all, I wanted to make sure that they could harvest my stems cells from it so that they would not have to stick my arm. They convinced me that wether or not I can use it for the stem cell draw, -It will be so my chemo does not require multiple sticks in my arm.
So I had that surgery. They do it just with local anesthetic, and do not knock you out. I would like to say that I handled it like a man, but I have have had a horrible phobia of needles my whole life. When someone is coming at me with a long needle, and I can not reasonably us my fight/flight response, I am overwhelmed by images of needles puncturing the eye and sucking out vitreous humors, or needles slid past the eye to do lobotomies, or heavy needles carving into the bone of my arm, or popping out the little bones in my wrists or my ears. Or the sorts of horrible things that were done to living animals in the 1600s in the name of anatomy. The surgery ended up going fine, and I managed not to flinch too much. The surgery itself did not hurt that badly, it is just the overly of images, visual, verbal and tactile, that do me in. Sweat like a pig.
Other than that fine experience, I got to have another bone marrow biopsy. You would think that this would effect me more, but in fact, i find it somewhat easier to take. The doctor is going straight in, and not trying to follow my veins around with an xray as the thread a long needle trough the vein. With a bone marrow biopsy, a needle takes a plug of a hole, the whole thing is saturated with some sort of anestesia and then they drill out the piece that they need. It feels a lot like being kicked in the hip by a horse, or at least a goat that meant business. I can handle that kind of pain better than the psychological nightmare of a slowly inserted needle.
I also had a CT scan and a PET scan to round out the day. The PET scan is my favorite, and tends to put be right to sleep. I don't know why I find in so relaxing - not very many other people do. I will take it where I can get it. I am going to sleep now.
Leif
Anyway, after I was done eating, this guy Ken came in and wanted to know if I wanted a "pick" line. Having gotten a little cagy after spending 6 months in the hospital, I asked, 1) what was it, and 2) who thought it was a good idea for me to have. Apparently it is an IV which is surgically implanted in your arm for a while (like the rest of your illness, and that literally 5 out of 6 doctor's agree that I ought to have one put it. The 6th doctor was on the phone and offered no opinion. I had a couple concerns with it. First of all, I wanted to make sure that they could harvest my stems cells from it so that they would not have to stick my arm. They convinced me that wether or not I can use it for the stem cell draw, -It will be so my chemo does not require multiple sticks in my arm.
So I had that surgery. They do it just with local anesthetic, and do not knock you out. I would like to say that I handled it like a man, but I have have had a horrible phobia of needles my whole life. When someone is coming at me with a long needle, and I can not reasonably us my fight/flight response, I am overwhelmed by images of needles puncturing the eye and sucking out vitreous humors, or needles slid past the eye to do lobotomies, or heavy needles carving into the bone of my arm, or popping out the little bones in my wrists or my ears. Or the sorts of horrible things that were done to living animals in the 1600s in the name of anatomy. The surgery ended up going fine, and I managed not to flinch too much. The surgery itself did not hurt that badly, it is just the overly of images, visual, verbal and tactile, that do me in. Sweat like a pig.
Other than that fine experience, I got to have another bone marrow biopsy. You would think that this would effect me more, but in fact, i find it somewhat easier to take. The doctor is going straight in, and not trying to follow my veins around with an xray as the thread a long needle trough the vein. With a bone marrow biopsy, a needle takes a plug of a hole, the whole thing is saturated with some sort of anestesia and then they drill out the piece that they need. It feels a lot like being kicked in the hip by a horse, or at least a goat that meant business. I can handle that kind of pain better than the psychological nightmare of a slowly inserted needle.
I also had a CT scan and a PET scan to round out the day. The PET scan is my favorite, and tends to put be right to sleep. I don't know why I find in so relaxing - not very many other people do. I will take it where I can get it. I am going to sleep now.
Leif
Just do what I do when it comes to needles- look away! Surely you can find someone to entertain you while the ill deed is done. I typically stare at the wall. I've found the anticipation of the stick hurts far worse than the actual stick itself. But...fear/phobia of needles and/or blood is pretty normal. No worries!
ReplyDeleteGlad you made it safe to Hanover and are in good hands. Sending my love and positive vibes abound!
Thanks Beth! I do try to keep an upbeat attitude. Needles though, that is a phobia, and that is not under control of my rational brain.
DeleteI have a major phobia about my eyes. Contacts are a definite NO for me & I have had to be physically restrained to have eyedrops put in. I can't watch eye injuries in films or on TV either. As you stated, it doesn't come any rational part of my brain so there is no reasoning with me to avert my somewhat violent response to people coming at my eyes. However I have conversely had a lifelong fascination with needles. I watch with rapt attention whenever I receive a shot or have blood drawn. The fascination is no more rational than the phobia. - Amelia
ReplyDeleteGlad you opted to have the pic line. I loved your analogy of the bone marrow biopsy feeling like an ornery goat kick!
ReplyDelete- Bethany